Mom Guilt: Using My Phone

There were many things I didn’t know when becoming a mother, but one thing I did know was that I didn’t want to always be on my phone and miss the life of the little person God so graciously blessed me with. I didn’t want to be one of “those moms”. You know, the ones you see in public who are scrolling while their baby tries to get their attention. Definitely not going to be me.

I didn’t want my baby to ever see me looking at my phone and not at him. For me, it went beyond my phone to real books or crochet. Anything that would take my attention off of him.

The Guilt

I so want to be present in my son’s life. The thought of missing something important because I am staring at a screen is heartbreaking.

Worse than that, the thought of how screens affect my child’s brain. Studies have shown that screens affect young brains in the same way drugs do, making them always want to come back for more. In addition, they can cause attention problems and issues interacting with real people. For more reading, Glow Kids by Dr. Nicholas Kardaras is enlightening.

As much as I love my sweet baby, and love to watch him play… it can get very boring. Nursing is so wonderful, but after a couple of hours a day of watching my baby eat, I need something else to do. Watching him play and learn new skills is so exciting, but after a while, I need something other than watching him chew on various animals to keep me sane. Reading books together is sweet, but I can only read Never Touch A Zebra so many times before I require something more intellectually stimulating.

I felt like I was going brain-dead. I felt guilty for feeling like my baby, whom I had waited and prayed for so long, was boring. It got to where I would dread the awake hours when I had nothing to do.

Reassurance

I would like to reassure you (aka, myself) that it is going to be okay. Your baby isn’t going to become an iPad kid because he sees your phone screen while you send off a quick text or check the weather. He is not going to question your love because you have a podcast or book in one ear while he plays. He isn’t going to go crazy later in life seeking attention because you read a book or crochet while nursing him, instead of staring at him eat.

The fact that you are concerned about this proves that you care and that you will likely be cautious about technology usage to ensure your baby knows you love him and provide him with the attention he needs.

Children need attention, yes, but there also needs to be some balance so they understand they are not the center of the universe. There are things in life you need to do that will distract you from them. How are you going to make dinner, clean, or drive if you are focused solely on your baby and their every movement? It is all about balance. Giving your child the attention he needs while preserving your sanity.

Solution

I have been listening to many podcasts. I put an earbud in and listen while I watch my baby play, while we read, or when he eats. One ear is open so I can still hear all his sweet baby noises, but my brain is not going numb. I would recommend finding something intellectually stimulating. Something that is new and exciting to learn. (I have been learning about apologetics.) Ever since I made this switch, my brain power and memory have begun to improve.

My baby has gotten much more content to play by himself recently, and I have been reading while he plays as well. This way, we are both entertained. I am not so engrossed in what I am doing that I miss what he is doing in front of me, but I am maintaining some sanity.

I want to specify that I am not talking about scrolling social media or watching TV. In my opinion, those activities take too much of our attention and only further rot the brain as opposed to intellectually stimulating activities that help preserve our minds and sanity.

I hope this helped you to put aside some of the guilt and shame you feel about doing something that preserves your mental facilities while spending all day with your baby. If no one has told you yet today, you are doing your best, and no one can expect any more from you.