Ways To Remember A Miscarried Baby’s Birthday

Last week was the birthday of my first baby, who was miscarried. This brought up a lot of thoughts and emotions about what to do. It felt important to me to remember his life in some way, but I didn’t know how. Nothing seemed quite right. I am going to share with you what my husband and I did, as well as some other ideas I thought of or received when asking others what they did for their babies.

These things can be done with the whole family, by yourself or with a spouse. Each person grieved differently and needs something different to help them through the process.

When?

Depending on how early your baby was lost, you might not know a specific day on which they were born. If that is the case, you can decide when you wish to celebrate. Some possible options could be when you started bleeding, or when you received confirmation from the doctor.

There is also freedom in this situation to allow you to choose a day when you don’t have other plans, or when you or your spouse isn’t working late. Remember, just like with other birthdays, they don’t always have to be celebrated on the exact day. The closest weekend works.

What We Did

The answer that I came to is to do similar things as if he were alive. We got a little cake from the store as well as a small gift that we would get for a one-year-old (bath toys). I wrote him a note in the journal I started writing for him when I learned of his existence. I cried.

That last one probably sounds weird for a normal first birthday, but I am pretty sure it would have happened. It’s not every day your baby turns a whole year old. I probably cried a lot harder and more than I would of, but that is okay. Don’t be afraid of the emotions that come. Even if you haven’t felt any of them in the last year.

Other Options

There are no right answers for what feels right to you to help you with your grieving process. You can do everything or nothing. It is what you need to do to get through the day.

Visit The Burial Site

Something I regret is not burying anything. I thought about it, but I didn’t know what, and I also have the nagging thought that this is a temporary home. I would be leaving him behind when we moved.

If this is not the case for you, then I would recommend doing so. My aunt and uncle buried a little pair of baby booties. And she said that every year she takes a walk to visit the site.

Plant Something

Depending on where you live and your landscaping situation, this might look different for you. If you have the space, you could plant a tree to watch grow, or a patch of wild flowers. It could be a potted plant or flower in the garden.

I had similar feelings about this thought as the burial. When we move, I probably won’t be able to take it with me. I also don’t know how I would feel if the plant died. I am not currently in a season to be a super attentive gardener. I hope to plant something for him when we find a more permanent living location.

Birthstone Jewelry

There are so many different options for birthstone jewelry you can choose from. My mom had a necklace with little stick figure people with the dresses the birthstone of each of us. You can do bracelets or rings as well. If you have other children, you can do the same thing for this baby as you did for them. If you don’t have any others yet, you can start now. You could also get a special piece only for your lost baby.

Tattoo

I seriously considered getting a tattoo, which anyone who knows me would laugh at in disbelief. I am not that kinda gal. If you are, this could be a great option for you. There are so many beautiful ways to remember someone through art. It could be something as simple as a name or date. It could be something more elaborate. I know someone who had a tree with a little bird for each of her children, with one flying away for her miscarried baby.

Write a Letter

Even if you haven’t been keeping a journal for your baby since conception, you can still write to them. You can tell them what you did to celebrate their life. You can remind them how much you love and miss them. It can be long or a few words on a card.

I hope and pray that you find this helpful, and it gives you an idea of how to celebrate and remember your baby. If you have any other ideas, please leave them in a comment to help others. If you need help navigating this time, please don’t hesitate to reach out, either through a comment or email me at [email protected]. I would love nothing more than to help you through this.

I also have posts about my miscarriage story and my best tips to work through the loss for yourselves and loved ones.