How To Support A Spouse on Shift Work

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Regardless of whether it is planned or unplanned, a week or a year, shift work is always an adjustment. It is hard on the whole family to be out of the usual routine. There are things you can do as a spouse to make it easier for the one who is going to work at weird hours, potentially working longer days, and not sleeping well, to make life easier for them and you.

As an act of service gal, it makes me feel better to do something for my husband when I can’t fix his work problems.

For the purposes of this post, I am going to write as if it is the husband going on shift work. I fully understand that wives can also be on shift work. I am writing specifically from a military perspective, but the principles can be applied to non- military work as well. This advice is mostly geared towards shorter-term shift work.

Don’t Freaking Out

One of the most important things you can do as a spouse is not to freak out. It doesn’t help anything. The weird schedule is most likely not your husband’s idea, and blaming him or getting upset with him about it will not help. He is probably not too pleased to be on mids and messing with the family schedule.

If plans are ruined because of the new shift, I would personally not bring it up, but let it slide and reschedule on your own if possible.

Having patience with your spouse is critical during this time. Out-of-the-ordinary shift work is probably the result of something big and time-consuming going on. This will inevitably result in going in early or leaving late. Understand this and don’t call in a panic if he is not home on time. It only creates more stress.

Food

Having meals, snacks, and caffeine readily available and easy for him to grab and go makes a world of difference. Depending on the situation, have a premade breakfast that can be popped in the microwave, put lunch together for him to grab when he leaves, or have dinner ready as soon as he gets home. It can go a long way to help him get to sleep so he is ready for the next shift.

Sleep

Sleeping during the day is challenging when you are not used to it. Help foster a good sleeping environment with blackout curtains to block the sun and white noise to block household activity.

If you have children, try to find quiet activities or things to do outside of the house while he sleeps.

My husband and I have been using what I call the snuggle alarm for years now. Whoever has to wake up first sets their alarm 10 minutes early. We snuggle and have a mostly incoherent conversation for those 10 minutes until it is actually time to wake up. It is a wonderful way to start the day and get a few minutes together.

Treats

A surprise treat can go a long way in boosting morale. Having his favorite candy in standby or coming home to a surprise dessert does a lot of good for someone whose love languages are gifts and sugar.

Finding ways to show your love and appreciation in unique ways is important during this time when you might not be able to spend as much time together as usual.

Leaving notes for him to let him know how much you love him is another good option. I like to leave love puns that I find on Pinterest for him.

Long-Term Arrangements

If shift work is a long-term or permanent arrangement, conversations need to be had about how to thrive in the situation instead of the day-in and day-out survival you can get away with for a few weeks. Sleep might need to be compromised on both sides so you can spend time together. Talk on the phone during the drive to and from work to discuss the day and have important conversations. Find a way for the children to see and spend time with their father as needed.

I hope this helped you feel better able to support your spouse while they are on shift work. If there is anything you do to help your spouse or ways you find time to be together while they are working crazy I would love to know in a comment. For more advice on navigating crazy military schedules, check out this post.