Shortly after we began to move forward with our divorce the Good Lord brought me to Genesis 50:21, “So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children”. I remember feeling such peace after reading that. And He has never failed to fulfill that promise.
Initially, when I thought of the word “provide”, I immediately thought of basic necessities: roof over our heads, food on the table, car to drive, clothes on our backs, etc… As time has gone on, I have come to realize He meant more than that. We all have desires in our hearts, some we will see come to fruition, some we may not. As I began seeking the Lord’s will for my life, I prayed so many times for Him to transform my desires into His desires. I only want what He has in store for me and my son. Slowly, with lots of prayer and digging into His word, He began leading me. One step at a time, the desires I have, the longings in my heart were transforming into His will for me. No longer following my own free will, but His. Am I perfect in this walk, no, not in the least. And I am thankful that when I do get off course that He is faithful to always lead me back on.
In the fall of 2016, I surrendered my desires of having a traditional “family”. Surrendered what I thought I had. As I sat there with tear-filled eyes looking at those divorce papers in front me, I struggled. I knew the Lord was leading me to let go. He could see the bigger picture & my soon to be ex’s heart. I couldn’t, yet I had to trust the Lord in this and be obedient in His leading. The hymn, “Wherever He leads I’ll go..” kept playing in my mind. And I knew then I needed to move forward, as hard as it was and as much as I did not want to. He was loud and clear in what I was to do.
Now, two years later, He has brought me a long way. I still have the desire to have a “family”. May not be your traditional family but being a wife and caring for my husband, a home and children are HUGE desires in my heart. I want to have a 50th wedding anniversary, or longer even, my Granny and Pop were married 71 years… I plan on living for a long time. ha!! 🙂 These desires are real and I believe they are desires the Lord has placed on my heart. In that, I am confident He will fulfill them one day. He will provide. I can now look back and say that I am thankful for this “broken road” He has led me down because my relationship with Jesus has grown abundantly. I now seek Him in even the smallest decisions I make so I am thankful that now I can pray for my future husband and family and know He will be at the center of it. (Ecclesiastes 4:12)